January 2012
1 post
hearts break all the time
Got a message from a friend today About something i cant say But it feels good to know right now That we all feel this way
July 2010
1 post
Kill Your Darlings
resist the urge to be yourself destroy it all push it deep, deep down bend it out of shape wake up and realize you don’t know how anything works anymore. you are not yourself even if you try give in. stop speaking, thinking, stop wanting to be understood after a while you learn that everything stops. you cannot be yourself in the paranoid schizophrenic ward locked in with the kooks...
March 2010
1 post
The Past
I am a ghost Passing through history Traveling time silently — Here in this old city Is clarity, reality And sanity Treading traditions of centuries On the red brick road stretched before me My thoughts suddenly dissolve to a slow-motion Past Nights streaked with sweat and sleeplessness Where I danced at the center of a cold universe In a smoky futuristic place Drinking it up from a hip...
February 2010
2 posts
end of the world
i put the top down, step on the gas cruise the apocalypse, and think about the past i drive like a maniac trying to outpace everything in the rear view shattering piece by piece and the years are like exits ticking away a decade of decadence and decay all along i have kept moving perpetually west now i struggle to hold on to the sunset the end of the world is just up ahead but i’ve...
century city
a crystal skyline of sky-blue glass cloud flecks reflected in panels of pastel on steel sterile and beautiful all rounded, space-age edges and zooming spaceships and elevated footbridges on a pristine landscape an immaculate vision beneath cameras growing like fungi on skyscrapers you expect aeon flux to scale down the side at any moment the enterprise to land boldly going where no one has come...
November 2009
1 post
disappear here
aerialists and hypocrites circus freaks with silicone lips vanity addicts looking to fix all come here to disappear damaged children unloved too much by an uncle’s magic touch, a parent with a narcotic crutch some repressive midwest church they all come here to disappear misfits hoping to find a place create a history-less race each one, perpetually replaced by every other...
October 2009
1 post
senescence
back in our days of infatuation with youth’s meaningless revelations we’d all boarded together in celebration but now soulless gluttonous sensation and all manner of other forms of obliviation became a train of hedonistic desperation hurtling towards dead expectations like your futile denial of deterioration by the means of its exacerbation a tolerance for senseless...
July 2009
1 post
Eulogy for the building that stood at the corner...
Amid the bustle, there’s a calming reassurance here A sense of stability in walking streets people have walked for four hundred years Not far from where Paul Revere’s house stands, history is as much for granted As the West’s desire to forget it. In the LA desert, the past is a stretch of sand dunes, shifting and dissolving in the winds of time. But here the past has...
June 2008
1 post
the crown
it’s hard to feel sorry for the free beholden to no responsibility save to fight for our right to party, pampered with too much opportunity, each bite of our luxury increasing our morbid obesity. we are the prisoners of liberty. but it’s hard to pity our decay: spoiled choices rotting away. it’s a decomposing array we compose our lives from day to day and it’s hard to not...
May 2008
2 posts
villa real
i don’t remember what it was i said when we were both lying naked in bed but i do remember when he replied, a little dream inside me died. “you’re not understanding me,” and i thought even then how it would be pointless to ask him to explain since we’d never see each other again and i suppose he also knew because he did not continue. it’s quite a sophisticated...
stubborn
it’s not a justified distraction when all you get from the interaction is the aftertaste of dissatisfaction there’s a test in everything that never quite lived up to being what you thought it coulda been and this is not gonna be enough to make me fail at opportunity even a dream can become something to get over with and done something shockingly burdensome and in the end to pass...
April 2008
2 posts
two weeks
these past two weeks i escaped death twice danced in a desert paradise got on 2 coast-to-coast flights and lived someone else’s life for one night. these past two weeks i heard prince sing slept in a hotel bed fit for a king slept in a tent, camping slept in the bed i grew up sleeping in. these past two weeks i got on a train to spend one day in what could be my future then accepted an...
the difference
between SAYING you want something different, and actually proving it is in what you do when you get the chance.
February 2008
2 posts
but me
it’s hard to break out of my own bubble when im having trouble finding the way out of this cushy lining and it’s easier to curse the devil you do know when you don’t know anywhere else to go i’m a POW with a penthouse view and yet the prison is a lack of vision cuz if i could just see where i’m supposed to be i’d take the elevator down drive the fuck outta town...
the sacred and the profane
the sacred and the profane masquerade as one and the same til distinguishing them is as vain as conditioning medusa’s mane every secret has become a broadcast every defiance an addiction’s forecast our predilection is to exalt all that cannot last but that dance is saving the last dance for last between the sacred and the profane is nostalgia for we never were but may yet attain for...
December 2007
2 posts
nuts
stepped into a walnut like a wolf-trap snap and then it’s like trying to crack the peices out with a vise flash went off and you didn’t close your eyes and now every visible piece of the past tells you lies just to want to know more is avarice just to want to escape is avarice now you yell for help till you’ve lost your voice but if given half a choice you’d still...
poof
i am unreachable i am untouchable i’m just the holographic image of the girl standing next to you and you, you’re so far away that i can’t hear i thing you say but i keep nodding so as not to make you uncomfortable
meanwhile my stare’s fake as a publicist i’m maybe thinking about shopping lists my mind’s straight up driving on cruise control my foot fell...
September 2007
2 posts
you pick
neither side of the mirror really reflects you. one’s shiny; one’s not.
practice makes perfect
in this place muses paint themselves up like whores and waves of laugh-tracks break upon pacific shores the seasons can’t stand each other but go onstage and perform and the night’s stars can rehab but never reform here tragedies are measured in box office revenues as the desert spills out over endless avenues and a city of agents and angels conspire like maniac priests to...
July 2007
5 posts
electric Z
i’ve seen the madness that you see a neverending electric sea that swallows belief and heresy and once you’ve seen it there’s no rest and every new tide is a test to see if you can best futility our curse is knowing what we know and there’s no way to let it go there’s no faith that can overthrow this certainty sometimes the words are a distant shore sometimes the brig. sometimes the oars....
net
some days i doubt for all of us in the troupe walking up there on the tightrope i wonder what on earth might have brought us to such treacherous heights following an escape route we fought to untap now we can’t get down. trapped on the trap locked in that precarious aerial fight against gravity itself, to stay aflight and other days, i can see without even having to gaze there’s...
compass
the perfect distance between two points is measured in the times between thoughts and revelations memories and sensations impossibility and imagination
shutter speed
why is it you always want something for you each time you say it’s for the common good? i took your present to the common good will and got a tax deduction and a broken camera that took pictures of nothing as long as the eye could see. one morning i woke up to discover i wasn’t blind and took it back to the thrift store so someone else could complete a secondhand life with negatives.
drive
accidents happen when fate collides with the unprepared so i’ve got the seat belt fastened on this fascination going faster and faster floor the pedal to the metal add the gas tax to the syntax and you’ve got a diction drifting in a donut in an abandoned lot late at night wait you’ve got the superhighway if i’ve got the drive but you’re steering right? i’m just...
June 2007
2 posts
chase
there are somethings you cannot pursue. that arrive on their own, like planetary eclipses that cannot be hastened, prevented, or derailed. there are some things you should not pursue. that rest on shaky ground like volcanic eruptions that cannot be chased, contained, or survived. and there are some things you will not pursue that are unattainable like the horizon’s convergence that cannot...
where something old ends
there are stories to tell and insights to sell there are books to read, and i feel the need to no longer pretend like i don’t understand that i’ve reached the part where something old ends, means that something new starts.
May 2007
1 post
my dream is without you.
my dream is without you. my dream is a victim of neglect gathering dust in the corner of a hard drive my dream is the last one picked for the team where i’m playing on your field in your game in your dream. my dream is without you. my dream is like a lover you just discovered has been cheating and you think… my god, who is this stranger that i’ve confused for someone i knew? my...
April 2007
2 posts
the loudest silence
there’s a silence that i know you know. you hear it till it overflows and no scream or applause will let it go so you set up a trap for sound but you didn’t know what it was you’d found and now you’re its master and its slave and you’re trying to act out and behave trying to indulge and abstain trying to jump in and refrain trying to trying to trying to say something...
tick
i sweat and bleed for each tick tock each tick that talks of patterns saying, say what you gotta say because saying it has a sway on what happens there’s no such thing as seeing the pattern wrong there’s only misinformation and all this while that the train has been moving along it’s been closing on a destination it’s all or nothing that’s the next stop on this...
March 2007
7 posts
when
whe everyone else stops complaining about how life is too short they will realize that life is actually much longer than you ever needed when i stop remembering how long life is i will realize that life is actually much shorter than i ever expected and in the middle is some time to make a lot of decisions.
shift + escape
a dream incubator a chance taker every single major concert promoter in southern california a tale befitting an amazing storyteller with time only for rhymes
abyss
i play favorites with impossibles i let nevergonnahappen take the wheel and drive i’ll break plans just to have dinner with tragicflaws impossible will never fail you nevergonnahappen will always live up to expectations and tragicflaws will never disappoint: when there’s no chance you’re destined to succeed.
(hole)
you can’t find me here, in my little hole. and that’s just how i like it. there’s no colors missing in the dark. i’ve got a pinhole on on a rainbow, and i like the view. better than a starless sky. my world revolves around a sun and there is no more space in space for anything less than all or nothing you can get all the time in the world to know what you’re missing...
yes
dream told me once to say yes. and i try to remember when i second guess and i try to decipher whether it’s a test but when i can’t get the answer fast i keep waiting for the question to pass and i keep hoping that it won’t last and i keep thinking that maybe always means no reprimanding: that’s not the way to go say yes, girl, like you didn’t know. but the truth is...
you can't stop here
bachelors like publicists pushing something to your press outlet rockstars, egomaniacs, and reality scripters chain-smoking in the greenroom, awaiting their turn to audition for the roll of the die sloth is checked by radar here gotta keep driving past the narcissists and fame junkiez shooting up their thumbs to hitch a ride to the part of town you find yourself cruising late at night and...
information demolition
if there is such a thing as information architecture there there’s got to be such a thing as information demolition the process by which information destroys destroys opportunity, destroys perspective, destroys mystery, destroys potential when you can’t blame the information — because it’s undeniable, in the end — what remains is to blame the process of information...
February 2007
3 posts
this is no one
you’ll know her when you see her: she’s got “this is not me” tatooed on her skin but you won’t find her where you’re looking. where no one recognizes their own reflection how do you tell yourself apart from everyone else? resemblance is only skin deep so dip your skin in the ink to remind yourself: “this is not you.” but don’t stop...
contra diction
pride in one hand, a grudge in the other roars like the sea with applause but compassion is silent as light and you can’t hear it if you close your eyes, asking…. if karma extracts a price for the wrongs you commit against yourself then how could forgiveness for disrespect not be self destruction? even the failings of foes will make you tired of failure to find an answer.
one way
so what’s the point of it all, you say? to see it coming and get out the way? or is the point to stand in its way even if you see it coming a mile away let it run you over where you stay if it’s all an experience, anyway then is this is the price the addicts pay for the experience of another day? one way you pat yourself on the back: you just outwitted fate’s attack! one way...
January 2007
3 posts
guess again
but i miss her oh, she was so fun with killer dance moves and they killed her and she moved on quarter to four and even the email server is asleep but she’s buying a stairway to heaven: the lack of other people for a recovering over-social hyperconnecting motherfucker from hell nah, not recovery just rest for the wicked and the rest’s for the virtues, the muses, and the humors but...
any other version
aversion is the exclusive version of your track tracking mud on the mix of a chemical myth of hormones and pheromones and headphones and all the other ones that couldn’t measure up to more than a 3.0 GPA all B’s there’s no fine for breaking the law of averages but only the criminals abide anyway it’s the rest who pay the difference between the ground and a gold star its the...
blame
it makes not a bit of difference what was done or what was said, no one’s gonna come collecting the results before you’re dead, all that matters is what you said you’ll do when no one was listening but you. and no matter how many layers your vision can see through, the truth is dependent only on your view. so where are you gonna chose to look, ah yes…that’s the part...
December 2006
1 post
unfinished poem
and i can’t say i am not grateful even for that which i did not want and i can’t say i didn’t learn even from that which was not taught and i can’t say i am not proud even of my own mistakes and i can’t say i’m not a gambler even if there are no stakes
November 2006
1 post
no time for poems
i can outdo you in silence outlast all the others who just couldn’t hold it in just had to speak it out before being spoken to i can outrun you in distraction stare longer without blinking into your cat eyes past your pauses pregnant as pears, outwit you in your secrets because it’s all a competition and i am not competing so that means i’ve won it’s just a practice of training the mind and tuning...
October 2006
1 post
the end of happiness
this is the end of the world for you, and it’s not enough this is the softest caress for you, and it’s still too rough this is the everything you wanted buffet, and you’re not hungry anymore this is the after after after after, and all you see is before this is the end of happiness. this is the way it goes. this could have been it all but you always want something else. this is your name on every...
April 2006
2 posts
trainspotting
keep on track with the track marks the spot where first picks and pick-me-ups and and pickup lines converge: a lore of lures and lies, a separate, solid, permanent self, are all things that do not exist. talk if you can sing and walk the walk if you can dance everything here moves backwards from dusk to dawn and i cannot stay awake or fall asleep to save my soul. but at least…. we’re all back on...
elegy for nostalgia
days go by and i miss no one except that something’s missing and i know it, i just don’t know what it is i miss missing something. elegy for nostalgia itself. days of debts and promises go by and i am leanring patience and i am learning awareness of moments passing and moments lasting
February 2006
1 post
and then
one day the chameleon escaped. they were all caught in the endless monsoon and he looked at all the other chameleons and did not recognize a single one. in the strobed moments of electric lightning flashes who had they become? succumbing to the tyranny of their own fate: for what good was it to pass for a lion or a nightingale if you could never hear the sound of your own voice? and what good...
January 2006
2 posts
disaster
disassociation distilled with distraction develops complete disinterest.
you tell me
i am a so many little nouns turned into brittle compliments i am capability, brightness, ideas, energy and you apologize for not being able to keep up. but all i hear is comma comma comma. words are the last resort of those trying to hide the tracks of their actions.